One critical growth spurt along the evolutionary journey seems to involve not assigning blame outside ourselves for how we are feeling inside ourselves. This is not an easy thing to learn as all the hurts and slights and resentments and traumas of the ages argue for the separate self and its agendas.
From the viewpoint of the separate self, assigning blame is part of survival – my separate identity’s survival depends on knowing who is a blameless friend (who supports my sense of separate identity,) and who is a foe I can blame (who challenges that separate identity). By assigning blame, I can stay in my head, not ever truly doing the evolutionary work at hand.
Dropping notions of blame does not mean we lose our discernment regarding what is happening, what decisions to make, or what to stay away from due to its non-life-affirming energy. It just means we stop telling ourselves stories about it. We stop spinning yarns inside our heads, building cases that support whatever separate identity we are currently holding onto.
On a recent walk in the woods, I noticed how all the trees feel like a unified “tree” energy to me – they don’t seem to be competing for separate survival – they seem to know something about cooperation that we humans may be forgetting. Science confirms that trees communicate with one another through underground mycelial networks, distributing nutrients, sending signals, seemingly taking care of each other. I like to think of Agents of Evolution as that mycelial network among humans, helping us all navigate this transition period we are in. How do we learn from the immense wisdom of trees?
In observing the trees, one can see that just because they cooperate, doesn’t mean they all of a sudden lose their individual capacity to live and thrive. Putting myself in a tree body, it feels to me a little like walking around “without a head”… After all, none of my thoughts about other people or about myself would be “attached” in quite the same way if there is no separate self to reference. Those thoughts might then be felt as somewhat random comings and goings, perhaps like wisps of cloud, pertaining to nothing relevant.
The ironic thing is that the more we become willing to stop blaming anything outside ourselves, (being willing to do what might feel like “losing our heads” in this more mystical sense,) the more embodied we stand to become. With no thoughts about the body standing in the way, the body’s reality shines forth. The body still experiences anger, joy, desire, hunger, connection, excitement, attraction, fear, contentment – without that superfluous layer of thoughts telling us so, none of these arisings are a problem.
Relationally, we might begin accepting people for exactly as they present in the moment. No expectations, no fancy dance to protect the separate identity. Just presence … in constant wonder and awe and appreciation for this creation.
Within the week, the world’s nations will convene in Glasgow to discuss the climate realities facing us. I am not expecting that major change will come from it. While there is profit to be made from fossil fuels, nations and corporations will find ways of getting around their agreements to reach net zero carbon emissions. But individuals can decide not to drive cars that burn gas, not to heat homes with gas, not to power communities with coal. Individuals, not assigning blame outside ourselves, can do the evolutionary work necessary to meet the moment.
I would love to hear your thoughts on this in the comments:
Love this topic and the spin you give it with the example of the connectedness (no blame, no shame!) of trees.
I also resonate with the idea that blaming the "other" is actually a deference of dealing with the issue within ourself.
I noticed my blamer meter had shifted when I was in Washington DC for the People vs Fossil fuel protest recently. I was able to be fully supportive of the agenda, but steered away from blaming language, such as yelling at the police when they threatened us, or engaging with citizens who were irritated that we were blocking their view of the white house. I was, to my surprise, even able to step in between a triggered spectator and a triggered activist, both men, who got riled up at each other. I felt love for both parties, and stood with ease in this potentially violent situation. no blame, no shame! This is likely to do with the atmosphere of connectedness that the drumming and chanting and common purpose evoked.
But, there was a situation that came up with a Washington insider, a white man in his 50s, who struck up a "conversation " with my friend and I about a statue that had been graffiti'ed with the words ExpectUs. As he put forth his opinion as truth, I responded with mine. He was not listening (and neither was I), so I walked away while my friend used her more refined communication skills to politely finish with him.
I could hear myself blaming in my head, exactly what you describe in your blog, the story of this man, how privileged and ignorant he was. 😳 Later, I contemplated this and connected to the part of me that becomes the lecturer when I feel I am right and am protecting something I love. And how privileged and ignorant I am. I have learned to forgive myself, to apply love and to offer this energetically to the "other." oh, and to thank them too because they have mirrored for me this issue. And to thank myself for being willing to do this work.
Thanks for the reminder that the governments are likely not to live up to their goals, and that we can continue to move forward with our comrades, learning and growing, and doing our part.
One of the many valuable things Pachamama Alliance Game Changer Intensive and Trainings on Climate activism has taught us is that we do what calls us, together in community and love, and we let go of the outcome. I love that! no blame, no shame.