Facing the Music

After writing Agents of Evolution in 2021, my life offered me a crucible for transformation I could not have foreseen. A tangy, salty, sweaty, tearful way wending itself deeper and deeper into the Unknown. It is as if writing the book was an an exercise in inviting myself to die to my old self, and to ride the edge of continual becoming, as the book itself encourages us to do.

None of my old life functions well anymore, where I find myself now. I am having to learn everything anew – how to breathe, how to walk, how to eat, how to orient in this world, how to relate, how to write, how to think.

Here is what I am learning through this passage:
The real path of evolution lies in facing exactly the things we avoid.

Not the things we think we fear, like higher tax rates for our tax bracket, but the stuff our nightmares are made of: deep personal failures; haunting life regrets; ancestral shame; survival issues; loss so enormous you can only watch the world through bewildered eyes from the ocean floor; circumstances that bring us to our knees, where we beg the old spirits that we’ve locked away in the compartment in our brains labeled “don’t be so primitive,” to have mercy. When we arrive at this place, we begin to have a chance at being effectively disassembled enough to walk our path open eyed.

I don’t wish this on anyone, but I say to you, if you’re there right now, you are not alone. In fact, I would say to you, there are many other agents of evolution alongside you, also composting their old ways of seeing and being, so that the Earth may have the food She needs for the gestation of Her new story.

I hope to write more regularly, soon. I am still unlearning whole paradigms of language that keep me rooted (I almost typed “rotted”) in a dying way of being. It’s nuanced, this new way of moving about the world. It requires a level of honesty I am not accustomed to. And I don’t mean honesty in terms of saying anything and everything that’s on my mind, but honesty that speaks from Who I actually Am, rather than speaking from the tyrannical coordinates of false identity that have been superimposed onto who we actually are by the dying order.

Maybe what I say doesn’t make sense to most. That’s ok. Something here trusts this process deeply, knows something very Good is unfolding, and has faith that this message will find its way to those for whom it is intended.